The Quest for a Meaningful Blog

hello, friend. it's been a while. several hours to be exact.
can i tell you a secret? i have a deep yearning to make everyone happy. shhhh don't tell anyone!
why? because it's a secret, silly. no one but us can know. the thing is, i'm not very good at doing that. i mean, sometimes it works but it occasionally works with people i talk to all the time, and i'm sure if you calculated the probability of getting it right, making other people happy comes along entirely due to chance. there is no independent variable manipulated by myself influencing the (happiness of others) dependent variable. therefore, the hypothesis that my efforts are successful at making others happy is null and void. even with dearie, whom i've grown to care for as a best buddy of mine. it requires no skill to make her laugh; merely the luck or irony of the situation.
the fact is that i become blinded by my desire to make everything right and i end up in situations that make their situations worse. which of course makes me feel worse than i did before. but by that time it's too late to do anything and all i can do is run crying in the other direction because i made it worse. again.
i've come to the conclusion (more than once because i'm an addict) that i should keep quiet. when someone shares a bit of information, the most i should give them is a polite and understanding head nod. then i am not taking responsibility for trying to make their life any easier, so when i screw it up and make it worse, i don't feel worse.
i have yet to do that successfully. seems that for a considerably quiet person, i can't seem to keep my nose out of other people's business once they share it with me.
making myself numb seems as distant an ability as becoming a trapeze artist. (and i have a fear of heights)
see? there is a good reason right there as to why i'm tiny.

it's 6:00pm. where did the day go?