i always thought fallen angels were merely something of a pick-up line...

I have an angel. My angel fell off of a truck tho. not off a cloud. Which i mean, is unfortunate, but at least the truck wasn't moving. I speak with my angel on occasion but it's really been a while since we've had a nice sit down chat. My angel can do all sorts of things. Multi-purpose angel. Voice of reason sort of thing.
Hopefully my angel and I will be able to speak soon.

Does anyone know who lightningprod is? Random IM. not a very nice one. not sure what the person meant when they told me to get in their car...

7 more days...
not that it changes much.

i am determined to get a bit of work done tonight.

enjoy, dears.

Dear I Forgot Your Name Again,

why was the cat in a bag to begin with? who would put a cat in a bag? was it scratching everyone? i really think there were countless other more humane ways of dealing with the cat if that was the case, other than putting it in a bag. And now you've gone and let it out. It's angry.
Wouldn't you be?

StoryTime. (rough draft)

there once was a man. for all intents and purposes, his name was J. no one knew where he came from. J was a mysterious sort of a guy. came and went with the wind. he swept into a town. the name unknown. it was sort of isolated, surrounded almost entirely by woods, with a large lake, where many of the townspeople fished. that's not to say there were many townspeople either, but those that fancied a fish dinner, or decided it was the day junior learned the proper fishing techniques, it was ideal. and, like almost any story dealing with a wandering soul of a male, there must be an equally drifting maiden. except she wasn't physically a drifter. nope, she had her mind in places above and beyond the clouds though. she dreamed of far away places and things like that. fairy tales the way they told them around a campfire, or from her grandmother. she had an ideal man in her mind, of course. all fairy tales require at least one. she pictured it differently every time she saw him...how he would enter her life. she had a dream once that he would rise from the lake, or float down from a cloud. or she would be gathering firewood and he would surprise her from behind a tree and sweep her off her feet. one thing that always happened... in these dreams, he would take her away from her family. she would be sad to leave them but so excited to enter the unknown with her hero. it just so happened... that one day... there was a knock at the door. her father answered it, and it was the drifter. J. (for all intents and purposes) he tipped his hat and introduced himself. told her father he was stopping in the town for a short while and needed a place to stay. was willing to work for whatever the family would share. the maiden had heard a strange voice, not her father's, and poked her head out of the kitchen doorway to see who was at the door. it just so happened, that J was a very good looking man, and for a drifter, very well-kept. one sack slung over his shoulder, seemed very strong, and considerably taller than her father, who seemed to be shrinking in his old age. J noticed the maiden in the doorway and tipped his hat once more, knowing the common courtesies when in the presence of a lady. although J seemed straight enough, the maiden's father did not like the looks of him, and told him to look elsewhere for shelter. dismayed but curious nonetheless, the maiden followed behind J as he walked to the next house, keeping her distance of course so as not to be noticed. well finally, J came upon a welcoming house, and was invited inside. it happened to be the butcher, and so J would surely earn his stay by working with him. the butcher only lived a few small houses away from the maiden and her father, so she was very excited. she could watch him working. and he brought some spark to her days that were normally spent daydreaming and working around the house. it turned out that J was a very dilligent worker, and so he and the butcher became fast friends. since the butcher now had less work to do, they would be able to deliver the meats to the surrounding houses. and J would make sure he was the one who visited the house where the maiden lived, because he had taken a fancy to her, and had spotted her plenty of times, trying to spy on him. her father would be sure to not allow her to answer the door. in case it was J. one day, she got very brave and mouthed for him to meet her by the lake. after dinner, she told her father and grandmother she was going for a walk, and met him by the lake. they talked until well after sunset, when her father came calling after her. they quickly went their separate ways, but not before she could tell him to meet her here again tomorrow. they managed to meet each night until just after sunset, for almost a week. one night, J told the maiden he would be leaving soon, as the wind was telling him it was his time. she begged him to take her with him. he had never had company on his ventures, except when he had first started out on his own. with his brother. his brother had died though, tragically, and J had wandered alone ever since. unsure of what they might encounter, and not wanting her father to think ill of either of them, in case the wind lead him back to that small village, he tried to explain to her he had to go alone. they embraced once last time, but she knew she would try and leave with him the following morning. she had no way to wake up early enough, and so she simply decided she would not fall asleep. if she was awake the whole night, then she would still be awake when he left and could follow him, until she was so far away from her home, he had to take her with him. sometime during the night, as hard as she tried to stay awake, the maiden slowly closed her eyes and fell fast asleep. by the time she awoke in the morning, J was long gone, having said goodbye to the friendly villagers he had met during his stay; even to her father and grandmother, who had been wary of him on arrival. it was almost halfday by the time her father came in to wake the maiden up, and she was so distraught that she had fallen asleep, she began to weep. she wept for so long, and so hard, her father thought she would never stop weeping. she slowly walked (still weeping) down to the lake. she heard a noise, and a rock splashed into the water near where she was crying. she stopped suddenly, frightened at first. looking in the direction from where the rock had come. and saw J sitting by one of the trees, hidden from the sight of the villagers. he thought she would never wake up, and she explained how she had tried to stay awake the whole night. he told her he realized he did not want to be without her. she dried her tears, ran back to the house, quickly, left a note for her father who had gone to the market, kissed her grandmother goodbye, and left with J-- dreams and visions of moving with the fleeting wind in her mind.

an invitation to peace?

it smells like squashed worms outside. don't ask me how i know what squashed worms smell like. have you ever tilled a compost pile? have you ever walked to class in the pouring rain and smelled something that was a cross between wet dog and mud, with a little something extra to make it slightly nauseating? that's the smell of squashed worms. see, if you were drowning in your house, you'd want out, right? well, they find a bit of salvation on the sidewalk, only to be trampled under foot by the bustling of college kicks. poor little helpful dudes.

part II will be much more unpleasant...why? because. i'm a passive-aggressive rabbit (according to a certain grizzly aka Tom Sales). and also because it can be taken the wrong way. Sorry Pamp. Again.
-" 'I think it was absolutely stupid, I've said several times. For the price they paid to rent the car, they could have had a girl.' "
This was a direct quote from the mouth of Admiral Richard C. Macke in response to a rape incident that took place in Okinawa involving three enlisted men (two marines, one sailor) and one sixth-grade girl.
This quote is not to mean that all sailors are dirty men and all marines are after little girls. I had a teacher senior year of high school who changed the way i look at a lot of things, marines being one of them, as he was once an active marine himself. Not to mention the fact that my dad was once a sailor. Nuff said.
-"Some women were too ashamed to talk publicly about their experiences in detention, afraid that they would be thereafter rejected as 'tainted,' as 'soiled goods.' Some women who had endured militarized rape felt they had no choice but to pursue a job in the prostitution industry."
This quote jumped out at me because many people think that women go into prostitution due to other unhealthy habits. Drug addiction, etc. It may often be the case that women need the money for drugs and so they become a prostitute; however this is another reason why women--most often those women in other countries where honor is valued and their behavior reflects on their husbands--run away from their families in shame due to an event that was out of their control.
-"Grabbing a stray chicken or a stray woman--it is simply what male soldiers do as they sweep across the landscape."
This quote reflects (cynically) the attitude of many of the commanding officers of the armed forces in response to the topic of prostitution and rape of local women in foreign lands.
-"As in the Philippines, national security rape in Chile was an authorized public act designed to push women back into their privatized societal roles."
This has little to do directly with the United States. It illustrates the measures foreign leaders will take to attempt to reduce the chances of women rising against the laws of the country they reside in.

does anyone else think it's possible to dislike talking, but enjoy dancing at a party? does it make the person less social or more social?

is it possible that a man can change his view of women forever by realizing they don't all present themselves the same?

i'm out to prove i've got something to prove...

peaceful loving youth against the brutality, i bit you farewell.
::chomp::
Love,
The Killer Bunny Featured in Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail

The Little Plan That Could

I want another dog. Two of my neightbors just got a new dog each. So i'm thinkin, if i can't guilt my parents into getting a new dog, my neighbors seem to be doing a very good job of it. And then my dad comes back from an outing and says how he stopped by to talk to one of the neighbors w/ the new dog. starts bein really sarcastically in my face about it.
Moral of the story: I should give up. I should just throw in the towel, and wait to move out. It just ain't happenin. My little plan that could, just can't.

I'll write more when I have happier tidings.

i forgot to tell you about this one! this one's a doosy...

okay so, me, and a few of my friends are...somewhere where there is water nearby, the streets are almost completely deserted, and the blocks are just that...they're blocks. as in, square-shaped. we're running from the cops. i'm carrying (yes carrying) a car door. (might i remind you that car doors are extremely heavy) i'm carrying a car door and yet i'm running from the police faster than my friends are. except some of the time i can't really see where i'm running because i'm holding the door up too high and for some reason i can't hold it any lower.

enjoy figuring out that one...

do you believe in self-actualization?

Self-actualization is the topic of my research paper for Personality Theories. Except i can't just make up theories. i need scholarly journals to find empirical research done on the topic. which, in my humble opinion, really isn't as much fun.

tom sales said he believed in it 'to a degree'. I concur. Are there two r's in concurr? no i think only one. anyway, i think that...if a person is isolated from all the stresses of daily life. enjoys his/her isolation, embraces the way they feel a part of the world and their role in it, then i think self-actualization might be a very good possibility. however, it seems a distant dream to those of us living and breathing the stresses of everyday life. that's not to say that we'd be better off isolated. Or that a person taking part in and facing these stresses would not be able to achieve self-actualization. i'm just saying the chances of achieving are much smaller if someone worries about the things we upright-walking animals worry about.

my tummy is empty and i'd be tempted to eat something if i don't go to sleep. don't worry, i'm not starving myself, i actually enjoyed some decent pizza and caesar salad compliments of my sociology professor. how nice. she was so proud of the fact that she said she was serving dinner and she really meant it. made me think of home because my mom always makes sure before we have the second slice we have salad. i'm gonna be a lot like her when i grow up...

as the wolf cries out to the moon, drunk with sorrow...

no, i didn't write this, but it speaks for me what has already been said (or sung).

My eyes seek reality
My fingers seek my veins
Theres a dog at your back step
He must come in from the rain
I fall cause I let go
The net below has rot away
So my eyes seek reality
And my fingers seek my veins
The trash fire is warm
But nowhere safe from the storm
And I can't bare to see
What I've let me be
So wicked and worn
So as I write to you
Of what is done and to do
Maybe you'll understand
And won't cry for this man
'Cause low man is due
Please forgive me
My eyes seek reality
My fingers feel for faith
Touch clean with a dirty hand
I touched the clean to the waste
The trash fire is warm
But nowhere safe from the storm
And I can't bare to see
What I've let me be
So wicked and worn
as I write to you
Of what is done and to do
Maybe you'll understand
And won't cry for this man
'Cause low man is due
Please forgive me Please forgive me Please forgive me
So low the sky is all I see
All I want from you is forgive me
So you bring this poor dog in from the rain
Though he just wants right back out again
And I cry, to the alley way
Confess all to the rain
But I lie, lie straight to the mirror
The one I've broken, to match my face
The trash fire is warm
But nowhere safe from the storm
And I can't bare to see
What I've let me be
So wicked and worn
So as I write to you (yeah)
Of what is done and to do (yeah)
Maybe you'll understand
won't cry for this man
'Cause low man is due
Please forgive me Please forgive me
So low the sky is all I see
All I want from you is forgive me
So you bring this poor dog in from the rain
Though he just wants right back out again
My eyes seek reality
My fingers seek my veins

...so i sing this low man's lyric for you.

my socks stink.

i had a dream that a humongous bunny walked up to me and told me i wasn't good enough. he then turned into a mouse and ran away.

interpret this for me and don't you dare tell me i should because i'm the psychologist. actually i must confess i've already interpreted it. because yes, i'm a dork. thank you.

The Quest for a Meaningful Blog

hello, friend. it's been a while. several hours to be exact.
can i tell you a secret? i have a deep yearning to make everyone happy. shhhh don't tell anyone!
why? because it's a secret, silly. no one but us can know. the thing is, i'm not very good at doing that. i mean, sometimes it works but it occasionally works with people i talk to all the time, and i'm sure if you calculated the probability of getting it right, making other people happy comes along entirely due to chance. there is no independent variable manipulated by myself influencing the (happiness of others) dependent variable. therefore, the hypothesis that my efforts are successful at making others happy is null and void. even with dearie, whom i've grown to care for as a best buddy of mine. it requires no skill to make her laugh; merely the luck or irony of the situation.
the fact is that i become blinded by my desire to make everything right and i end up in situations that make their situations worse. which of course makes me feel worse than i did before. but by that time it's too late to do anything and all i can do is run crying in the other direction because i made it worse. again.
i've come to the conclusion (more than once because i'm an addict) that i should keep quiet. when someone shares a bit of information, the most i should give them is a polite and understanding head nod. then i am not taking responsibility for trying to make their life any easier, so when i screw it up and make it worse, i don't feel worse.
i have yet to do that successfully. seems that for a considerably quiet person, i can't seem to keep my nose out of other people's business once they share it with me.
making myself numb seems as distant an ability as becoming a trapeze artist. (and i have a fear of heights)
see? there is a good reason right there as to why i'm tiny.

it's 6:00pm. where did the day go?

...decroded piece of crap...

do you really want to huuuurt mee?
do you really want to maake mee cryyyyy?

he was standing there with his thumb in the air and i had to stare...

if i remembered how to write a limerick, i'd write one about the man i saw hitchhiking tonight on my drive back to campus.
oh, and frank, phil, pinky and i went to friendly's friday night and on the way there (we stopped at wawa) we saw gaffney (not sure on the spelling), who is either 19 or 20, married, and making a decent amt in the ironworks industry. from what frank told me of their brief conversation.
it seems sort of surreal that he's married.
"you're a cunundrum wrapped inside an enigma wrapped inside a pretty lady"
"rule #7: if you sleep with a guy i know, it's a no-go."
these are the quotes of a grizzly. the same grizzly who once gave a monologue on how he's the devil. he is convinced that one day he'll teach me how to tell a story. feedback on that would be much appreciated
What I Did This Weekend:
woke up early on a saturday to help dad varnish the wood in the boat
wished i had a dog
tried not to freak out too badly at my mom and sister fighting
tried not to freak out too badly at my dad giving my mom a hard time.
laughed at jokes of phil and pinky (a few times at frank bc he's just silly)
went to my cousin's 3rd birthday and laughed extremely hard (which is a very healthy thing to do ::cough::pamp::cough::)
thought. a lot. about a lot.
worried about some things.
felt fat while looking at myself in a bathing suit. (NO I DON'T WANT A COMPLIMENT. i'm using my blog to tell the truth, that's IT.) don't worry, i got it anyway. it's one of those '
decided i need to make exercise part of my daily life
spent a little bit of money
got screwed over for less than a dollar by this lady who was laughing at me because she knew i was using my mom's credit card. (didn't get the extra 15%)
suffered through really salty 'virginia' ham because if you're at someone else's house, it's the polite thing to do. (it's funny tho bc i drank most of the soda, most of the water, and ate all of the little cucumbers that were cut in the process)

i'm chilly now so i need to generate some energy
maybe i'll even work out. that would be a novel idea.
i really hope i did well on my clinical research sem midterm. especially since i was the first one done (which in high school might have been impressive but in college, since you have to get up and leave, can be quite nerve-wracking) and the lady prof, the sweet thing she was i hope she didn't mean to be horrid but she looked at her watch and said 'you still have over an hour left, so don't make Nicole leaving worry you'. ew! it was bad enough i had to get up in front of the whole class and leave first, but to say something about it? maybe she was trying to get a chuckle. chuckle didn't happen tho. i avoided eye contact to say the least.

okay i'm really going now. but i'm dragging myself away.
i'm bogged. you've been blogged.
i love you all. not simply because you're reading this, but because people, not all the time, but most of the time, are beautiful creatures.

okay pamp. would you like a formal, typed apology?

I'm sorry.
what? you didn't say to specify.

there's an icon at the top of my toolbar and it's the AIM icon. and the middle is while and when you put your cursor over it, it turns yellow. don't ask me why this fascinates me. you're the genius reading this blog, you should know that much by now.

i'd say bad things about pamp but he's reading this. who else can i make fun of?

oh, i had a yelling match with tom sales (he doesn't read this tehehe) about why i didn't vote for Kevin Kelly as secretary of an organization i won't mention because I don't enjoy finding random women's thongs on my doorknob. it was therapeutic. have you ever thanked someone for yelling at you? i have. thanks again, tom. even though you aren't reading this.

i have to go back to typing my clinical research seminar study guide for my midterm tomorrow.
becky is asleep on her desk. again.

i'm listening to music that is quiet only because the volume is low.

::shakes head in dismay::

i almost installed a statcounter to see how many people view my blog.
what a waste of time.
turns out, only one person reads what i write other than me.

thank you dearie, for being so loyal and faithful.
::sigh::.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

i'd type the whole blog in green but it just isn't appropriate for the topic. Happy St. Patty's Day!



A (Circumstantial) Angel's Ramblings

Who put that there?
it has gold and
blindingly shiny splendor.
it is revered
and mocked on occasion.
when i was younger
it symbolized what i'd be
after I died.
Then I realized that
I had lost my shot...

so i ask again
Who put that there?
I don't deserve
that kind of recognition!
It must be some sort of
blasphemy for God's sake!
Don't put me on that kind of pedestal.
i'm not dead yet.

The desire to watch over
is great; however,
interference i think
is very possibly the best
way to go on such a topic.
Sure, sure, messing with
people's lives is not a sport
but i won't make it sport
I promise.

Unlike the theories of
the Greek gods
who "meddled"
I won't. I can't.
my Mission is simple.
all hopes and dreams aside
(and shattered)
Interference due to
natural, whole-hearted concern
Concern is the root of my problem.
Concern is scarce more than
the result of
my usurping Conscience.
Co-Sci elected Concern to be
on the panel
The debate is on morals
and my darker half
(Shadow, which is comprised
of two dark eyes)
is winning by
pure practicality
and technicality.

That thing doesn't belong there.
Although false advertising
can often be a "gift from God".
Who put that there?

tonight is unlike no other.

tonight is just like any other night. it's 2:06 in the morning. there's something about my eyelids not wanting to close. an unsatisfied need to hear from someone; to let me know someone is out there. i've come to the realization so many times; i need to find a way to keep myself happy. i manage to rely on others to keep entertained what when they aren't there? almost another year older and not one step closer to self-actualization. is that even a possible concept? maybe i should do my research paper on that skeptical topic.
i would love self-actualization.
that'd be sweet.

speaking of sweet, apparently, anyone (not just bloggers who have registered names) can leave comments.

feel free.

in case you fail to notice. in case you fail to see.

this is my heart. [bleeding before you blah blah blah]; jewel was a drama queen but she definitely knew what was up when it came to her heart.
okay so that isn't really my heart. let's pretend.
it's tender.
it's sympathetic.
it's held together with duct tape. (due to it being dropped and carelessly handled in the past.)
however, plenty of people have hearts (shattered, broken, split, ripped apart, etc.) held together.
we are a strong bunch, no? we're still breathing, right? blood continues to venture to all parts of the body, correct?
don't make me miserable about my duct tape in the hope that i'll choose a different type of glue.





same old story,
not, much to say
hearts are broken
everyday...

this is a test of the emergency blogcast system

this is only a test.
beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

This one goes out to a very special hunter I know...

okay. we've established that i'm pathetic. but dearie seems to think it's "so freaking cute!!!!!".
here goes nothin.
oh, by the way. have the theme song from Spongebob Squarepants in your head....are ya ready kids?

Ohhhhhhhhhh...
Who lives in the woods
And climbs up in the trees?

FRAN-KIE AL-LAN

Camoflaged, deadly
No mercy has he.

FRAN-KIE AL-LAN

A-nother season
He pre-fers to fish.

FRAN-KIE AL-LAN

They drop on the deck
And make their last wish!

FRAN-KIE AL-LAN
(ready?)
FRAN-KIE AL-LAN
FRAN-KIE AL-LAN
FRAN-KIE AL-LAN
FRAN-KIEEEEE AL-LAAAAAAAN!

::whistle::.

tell me what this sounds like to you.

any interpretations are welcome...


Say hello to the rug's topography
It holds quite a lot of interest with your face down on it
Say hello to the shrinking in your head
You can't see it but you know its there so don't neglect it
I'm taking her home with me
all dressed in white
She's got everything I need
pharmacy keys
She's falling hard for me
I can see it in her eyes
She acts just like a nurse
with all the other guys

Say hello to all the apples on the ground
They were once in your eyes but you sneezed them out while sleeping
Say hello to everything you've left behind
It's even more a part of your life now that you can't touch it
I'm taking her home with me
all dressed in white
She's got everything I need
some pills in a little cup
She's falling hard for me
I can see it in her eyes
She acts just like a nurse
with all the other guys

Say hello to the rugs topography...

iiiiiiiiiii like you.

what does it take for someone to say that to someone else? how can it be so simple..casual even for some, and a big step for others? there are different meanings behind it. it's admitted at different ages, directed toward and coming from people of varying ethnicities, in different languages. i only know one, so here goes...

http://www.it.dev.duke.edu/tmp/I_Like_You.swf

:O*

tehe

lyin' through your teeth again

Help me if you can
It's just that this, this is not the way I'm wired
So could you please,
Help me understand why
You've given in to all these
Reckless dark desires
You're lying to yourself again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the faultline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this. Why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess. I don't want to watch you.
Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die
Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence
Narcissistic, drama queen, craving fame and all its decadence
Lying through your teeth again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the fautline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Go with this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, I don't wanna watch you...
Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die
They were right about you
They were right about you
Lying to my face again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it put it on the fautline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, Coalesce, Coalesce
Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time
What's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die
If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere,
Do it somewhere far away from here.

awesome song. doesn't apply to anyone, but awesome nonetheless.
"The Outsider" - A Perfect Circle

This is a caption from a tshirt I received from a woman who from quality control at the place where my dad works. I worked w/ him (check previous blog "appreciate me") and she liked me so much she gave me a Columbian tshirt. Wanted to share. :O) 

APPRECIATE ME!

or should i say it in spanish? tuesday-friday, 7-330 i'll be working where my dad works to make some money and be able to appreciate the work that goes into making product displays (you know, like for watches and jewelry and tools). today was day one. i like Gloria. there's something about her that reminds me of my mom. Maybe it's the fact that I pretty much spoke to no one unless approached and spoken to, and she would come over a couple times between breaks and asked me how i was doing. In a tough 'i don't usually do this' sort of way. i'm sore. i'm tired...
i'm goin back tomorrow. haha
bring it.

the title can also be tied in to another aspect of my life. let me just say this...receiving phone calls from certain someones and having them tell me they were calling in the hopes of hearing my voice and when can they see me again brightens a painful day. ;O)

have a good one, dearies.

Paranoia

imagine life as one big table. like the one in that phone service commercial, where the little boy on the end (who's too young, in my opinion, to own a cell phone) asks someone to please pass the gravy. at dinner time, or any time really, the people of the world meet at this table. everyone brings their own tuna casserole or bread pudding to the table. an appetizer, a dessert, or maybe the morning paper; something a little different. the truth is, you never know what someone is bringing to the table. you never know what event in their past made them decide to bring chocolate chip cookies rather than the new book they're reading, or their thick, black, partially torn diary instead of filet mingon. this fact sometimes worries me. occasionally to the point of paranoia (hence the title of tonight's blog). at the table, you could meet your doctor, your stalker, the person who will eventually lead to your demise, your best friend, or your soulmate. with any of the possibilities though, comes the chance of being hurt along the way. it takes a brave person to approach, listen to, or share certain feelings, ideas, etc. with each of the individuals one comes across at that table. why does this require such courage? because of each person's past, they will take your ideas and feelings and do what they want with them. how do you know your best friend won't take what you say differently than the way you intended it to be taken? it's a gamble, attending the banquet. you take a chance every time you break bread.

new topic. my family and i recently aquired three new goldfish. they looked nice and shiny and healthy. no bad fins or anything. now their tail fins are beginning to look torn and ripped. and i can't figure what the culprit is. personaly, i don't think they're getting enough air. the bubbles that come down from the water splashing on the return isn't enough.
speaking of air, i can hear my dad using the foot pump to fill up the new aquatic addition to the family. what fun.

don't you hate it when someone says they'll call and they don't? no, dez, i don't mean you.
i must get on with my reading now. Maneuvers. it's about the militarization of women's lives. i also took out 9 cds at the library i'm going to try out.

7.21pm.
what did you eat tonight for dinner and who did you eat it with?

boys...

roomie and i decided last night that boys should be kept in cages, taken out only for the purposes of procreating (and we'd be able to pick the nice ones). an awesome idea in theory, but some dude is bound to speak up and talk about an uprising and blood being spilt due to detainment. it's okay. we were drunk off of brownie sundaes. i'd like to hear a better excuse than that.
there's something about the social science building (the one i'm in now) actually it's the building all of my classes are in this semester which is odd. i can never keep my eye balls open before 1130ish. my eyes are puffy to begin with but they hurt to stay open. and i wasn't even up late. okay, so like 1ish is sort of late, but not really. they hurt so badly and all i want to do is take a nice long nap before i head home (or to my grandmother's house to clean) for 'spring break'. i say 'spring break' because it's not like we can say 'hey let's go to the beach' it's more like 'hey...let's.....shovel.....'. which is terrible, in my opinion.
did i mention i wanted a puppy?


p.s. pamp is going to cancun. May the Lord Bless him and Keep him. (and find him a sweetheart)

"Divorce: Iranian-Style"

our midterms were due today for women in world perspective, so we watched a video entitled (see above).
the following are the notes i copied down for your information.
enjoy. or not, it's up to you.

-divorce for "telephone relationship" w/ uncle
she must "make herself pretty"

-3 mos. 10 days she must live w/ him if separation ensues


Court
men are checked for weapons
women are checked for dress code & makeup

How Women are able for a divorce
-husband's inability to father a child (physical)

A man can have more than one wife w/ 1st wife's consent

you lose your child when you remarry
husband gains custody whether he remarries or not

In prayer services, women are kept behind a curtain; men get front row
-gendered segregation.

okay, since i am really bad at these things...

okay so it doesn't want to work for me.
http://www.petfinder.com/pet.cgi?action=2&pet=4024214
that's the link. see for yourself. she's adorable.

have a good night.
::grummble grummble:: nothing ever works for me ::unhappy mumbling::

the things i would say if texting was free...

'i don't feel good. get over here, wrap me up in a blanket, and let me sleep'.
'well, i'm not pregnant'.
'i wanna puppy'.

can i just say that they didn't even have chef's salad at the cstore and i feel bad for complaining about that? i gotta plain tossed salad. listen. if homeless people were hungry and they had the money for it, they'd get the chef's salad rather than the plain old tossed salad. because you get what you paid for.
EXCEPT AT COLLEGE.

look pamp. this size is called 'tiny'.
much thanks to pamp by the way, he totally pulled through for me. his mom wants a doggie and he's allergic (poor guy, i'd die). so he sent me to this site called 'petfinder' or something like that and there's this thing called husky house and there was this picture...hey i can show you! remind me and i'll send it to my blog so you can see this puppy his mom wants. anyway, back to why pamp gets thanks. looking at this picture is probably (aside from cramps) the most painful thing i've witnessed so far this week. for this reason pamp, i thank you. from the bottom of my puppy-loving heart. let me go get that picture.
see y'all later ;O)
p.s. remember when 8 o'clock felt 'late'? where did my perception of time go? it isn't like i work the night shift...well...actually...i guess i do. the night shift, the day shift...and that one that overlaps.

a certain someone who gave a monologue on how he's the devil said this about me.

your ability and willingness to love makes you a stronger person by far than a man who puts walls around his heart,. You have the courage to love. Thats not that special, we all have that. But what sets you apart is that yoou have the courage to keep loving, to fight upstream against the setbacks, to hold on when even the people you're helping expect you to let go.
You are a good woman with a big heart Nicole Tango.
Don't ever be sorry or ashamed of that.

i posted this because one day, i might forget that people think things like this about me. it'll make a wonderful reminder, or maybe even a wake-up call.

tell me what i want to hear

tell me i'm clever,
tell me i'm kind,
tell me i'm talented,
tell me i'm cute,
tell me i'm sensitive,
graceful and wise,
tell me i'm perfect--
but tell me the truth.

shel silverstein. r.i.p.

unexpected results

there is something ... dignified, no. righteous? maybe. utterly satisfying. yea that's it. there is something utterly satisfying about reading a poem that meant so much to finally get out of one's system, only to be well-received by two people i respect very much.
good luck and have faith, to all the people who write 'em.
thank you, thank you, thank you, to those who listen.